Things that I feel good about

nothing

Things that I feel needs attention/correction

everything

How can I improve tomorrow?

One thing that I learnt in this previous lock down days is that there can not be a single day that I will be able to call as PERFECT. There have to be some imperfections. Today, there were a lot of imperfections.

• while working out in the morning I fell down from the pull-up bar, with the pull-up bar. I held the bar in the wrong direction. I got some bruises on both my legs.
• So I was looking forward to taking a day off from my work. But today was not the day I ever planned to take the leave on. By making the leg bruise an excuse I called my SSE, told him that I fell from the stairs and my leg hurts so I won't be able to go to work today. bamn. And I did not go to work today.
• I was kinda happy for not going to work. But as time passed, I started to feel guilty for not going to work. Because deep down I knew that I could just go to work and those leg bruises were not such a big deal. It was totally manageable.
• Not that I used my time perfectly today. I was looking forward to learning somebody stretching movements for some days now. So I sat down and watched stretching videos for hours and hours. Yeah. I did not work on Django, I did not even do any fuc*ing thing today.

Something that I learnt today

I know that I messed up today. I did not go to the store. I watched a movie. Did not work on my Django site, and I was planning on skipping this daily writing process today,

Then I thought, that this challenge or routine, whatever may it be, is given to me by me. If I skip this today, I will essentially be betraying my self. I don't want that. So stop doing anything, got rid of my phone and started to think about my feelings for this day. And now, here I am writing them all down. I need to sit down and mark my calendar for the days I want to have some break. My workday is going to be 5 days a week from now. because why not. So I will have to rethink some small things now.

It really feels good being able to express this garbage thought inside me. I really think that the ability to talk to other people, may that be known or someone unknown, is an art that is not for everyone. Not for me at all.

I want to add a day of a week as a fun day. Or maybe add 2 days a week as a fun day. This work really stress full. I haven't gotten my new salary yet. It's getting a little hard paying the bills, rent and then sending maa the money she needs.

I don't want to stress out much more than I need to. I had a cup of coffee this evening and that's what is keeping awake till now. I need to rest and get up early to do the same sh*t again.